One time that I showed courage was when I was at my friend Julia's house and we went out to walk her dog up and down the road. Julia lives in Ukay Heights, and that is a dangerous place for more than one reason, (weird people and also,her house is on the edge of a cliff) we were just walking along when this guy sitting on the hood of his car stopped us.
He asked what the dog was called and we told him(Misty) he petted the dog and asked us where we lived. We were silent for a bit and he asked us again "Where do you live" and lit a cigarette. We didn't know what to do so I did some quick thinking and said "We are sisters and we don't live here, we are just visiting" this was belivable because I have blond hair and Julia has light orange hair. He seemed to be interested, but he asked where we were staying and I told him that we were staying there and pointed to an undefined spot in the distance but that our parents were in the house right next to us.
Then he said that it was nice to meet us and moved out of our way and we ran to Julia's house and got in as fast as lightning,terrified. I think that that was a time when I showed courage because that was really scary and to this day I still think that guy is going to come and find me. That is also like Mafatu and the sea god, the sea god wants to claim Mafatu and I think that guy wants to claim me. But I also thought I showed courage because I had to make a belivable story when this guy in front of me was basically making my mind get blocked with one scary thought - kidnapper and my nerves were telling me to scream and run but I didn't because he would chase me.
Johanna, I think that the paragraphs you made wasn't really right because as I was reading the second paragraph, the story was really good and then I finished reading the paragraph and I thought the story was over. So I thought maybe you shouldn't have started a new paragraph until the man went away.
ReplyDeleteI really liked how you made a connection to Mafatu's story because you think that your story and Mafatu's story matched. As I was reading this story, I didn't think about Mafatu's story at all and how this story might be a connection to Mafatu's story. Then, I read the connection and I thought it was really good.
One more comment I have is that, I think you shouldn't have put the brackets in this story because it didn't really work out. I mean, brackets are only for your thoughts and what you want to say to the reader that is not a part of this story. So, I don't really think it should be there.
I really liked this one word you put in there, 'undefined.' I loved that word choice because instead of saying something simple, you said 'undefined' so it really pops out.
By the way, I loved your story. It was exciting to read.
Great job Johana! I think the paragraghs didn't really work becauseyou ended one scene and in the same paragragh you wrote a different one. I loved your story, it was pretty freaky actually.
ReplyDeleteWOW! I think it is amazing that you were able to think of a fake story to get the creepy man to leave you alone. I probably would have just said something like “You are weird! Go away” Then I would run for my life.
ReplyDeleteLast year Mrs. Williams told us that when someone is in a bad situation there mind will probably go blank! I guess you smashed that theory in half!